Star Sex, Oh Yes!

by Joe Johnson, Music Editor

I can't call myself a heavy metal fan, but the great thing about Abysmal Crucifix's debut album is: you don't have to be. It's the metal album for music fans!

It opens with a salty slice of heaven called "Phone Sex," which the liner notes say is based on a true story. This is followed by a series of balls-to-the-wall rockers with brilliantly disturbing lyrics, plus a wild instrumental called "In the Backseat of a Jeep." Songwriter Girth McDürchstein does a great job with this song; it actually flows and builds and creates the vibe of being in the backseat of a Jeep with your best girl.

The second half of the album is a little lighter but just as weird, including the brief, nearly a cappella "Cocksuckin' Man Theme," which apparently is a demented parody of a sitcom theme song. They follow this with a depressing ballad, "Drop Your Pants and Kick 'Em to Me," and a surprisingly sweet jazz song (the title track). The album closes with a nearly insane symphonic suite called "Shitfest (for the Love and the Glory)," and this song is where you can see Abysmal's true potential coming to fruition.

On first listen, I thought this was a pretty good album but nothing special. To my surprise, the songs stayed with me, haunting my dreams. Not many albums have that effect on me. Abysmal Crucifix is a daring, sophisticated band to watch!

Reprinted from the Columbia (College Chicago Chronicle, March 7, 1995