L.A. Rockers' Debut Disappoints

by Sheila McDonald, Music Critic

I was personally sent a review copy of Star Sex, the debut album of L.A. rockers Abysmal Crucifix, by lead singer Girth McDürchstein, with a note inside the package thanking Tear-Stained Photograph for our positive support when the band first started playing out in 1994.

I found this a surprisingly sweet gesture from a man predominantly known for vivid descriptions of improbable sex acts and sleazy on-stage antics (such as the famous incident in which he was arrested for inviting two female groupies to the stage and allowing them to go to town on his joint). Unfortunately, sweet gestures can't rescue me from the disappointing experience I had listening to Star Sex.

Frustration sets in quickly if you've ever seen the band perform live. Not many have, but Star Sex was given a limited release and, one assumes, will sell out to the band's target audience. These folks will be disappointed by the humdrum, sing-songy manner in which the songs are performed, the emphasis on three-minute pop songs over the searing improvised guitar solos for which Abysmal Crucifix is known. It doesn't even capture the sweaty energy of the live show; everything feels muted, like the faded paint of an abandoned house.

Individual tracks, particularly the title track (which is unabashedly not heavy metal), approach brilliance, but Abysmal surpasses brilliance on a nightly basis. Why couldn't they catch a break here? Each track seems to tell a different story: jangly pop-rock like "Phone Sex" and "Sexual Enforcer" suggest the band had too little control over the album, while the aptly titled "Shitfest" suggests they had far too much. The inability to reign in their creativity damages the album from start to finish; it never recovers.

I might file Abysmal Crucifix away as a band to watch, but Star Sex ought to be avoided by fans and music lovers alike.

Reprinted from Tear-Stained Photograph Magazine, February 1996